Travel Fail: My Honeymoon Hooker in Oz

Sydney proved an amazing starting point for our 2015 honeymoon adventure (after a 4 day stop over in Dubai, of course). We were on the other side of the world and loving life. Four days in and we had ticked all the tourist boxes; beaches, Blue Mountains, kangaroos, koalas, Darling Harbour, Circular Quay, boat trips and of course, Sydney Opera House (see Travel Fail: Sydney Opera House – whoops! Yep, we kinda make a habit of this kinda thing over here). We were Sydney-satisfied and hungry to see more of Australia. It was our last night and we had decided to stay in, pack our bags, order a takeaway and sort ourselves out a hooker for the night. Hold on. Wait. What? Let’s backtrack…

We were off to Cairns early the next morning and decided to spend the evening in our hotel room. Time was ticking away and it was fast approaching 10pm before we realised we hadn’t had a bite to eat all evening. We decided to hit up TripAdvisor and pick up a local takeaway.

We quickly found a Thai Restaurant situated in Chinatown which was nearby to our Darling Harbour location. We’d seen our fair share of Chinatown when leaving for local excursions (seeing countless V.I.P. lounges)  but this was our first venture out. It proved quite successful as we soon returned with beer, dinner, paper plates and plastic cutlery (we’re classy takeaway diners, obviously). The Thai food tasted nothing like the Thai food at home in England (or that we experienced in Thailand) so we were quite disappointed. At the turn of the midnight hour we decided it would be sensible to pack our cases so that in the morning we could just grab and go.

My beard hair was a little on the busy side so I took the electric clippers to the bathroom for a trim. The Mrs was packed so she was relaxing in the boudoir wearing  a typical honeymoon negligee and I was wearing nothing but my pants. As soon as I set the clippers on buzz there was a knock in the door. I thought for a second before walking to the door, leaving the clippers switched on; the buzzing and vibrating reverberating around the bathroom behind me.

“It’ll be room service wishing us a pleasant onward journey… Or perhaps they’ve sent up the bill?… Or chocolate. Yes, definitely chocolate. That’ll be a happy ending. Or… Maybe… “ I swung open the door, and stood there in my pants not believing my eyes or ears.

“Hi, you order a girl to your room?” queried the slim, short-skirted, Chinese working girl.
erm… No. No I did not.

Now please realise, to this girl, that she has knocked on the door number that she has scribbled on the back of her hand to find a man standing in his pants with the loud sounds of a vibrator buzzing in the background behind him. She doesn’t believe me. No shit.

Yes, you DID call girl.
no, i didn’t, you’ve got the wrong number
915, you 915?“.
I look at the door.
yes but… No

I close the door in her face, the girl stunned by this blatant rejection. I walk back to the bedroom, the vibration of the clippers seems louder now that ever before. I tell the Mrs there’s a hooker at the door who thinks we called her! This is hilarious.

The wife is having none of it.

The wife now swings open the door. Her in her negligee, me in my pants and the sounds of vibration now flowing down the hotels hallway.

we are on our honeymoon! Leave us alone! You have the wrong door number! ” the wife shouts. I step in between them, make angry faces, and tell the Chinese lady security are on their way. She’s on her phone to her boss trying to figure the situation out.

We closed the door and I reappeared moments later with my plastic takeaway knife just in case she had called for backup herself (Plastic knives beat wooden chopsticks, right?) She was nowhere to be seen. Vanished into the night.

Needless to say, there was no happy ending on this occasion.

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I’m guessing this thing does happen from time to time and mistakes can be made in any profession. But seriously… a midnight call on our honeymoon? I often wonder how we wind ourselves up in these situations!! Have you ever had an accidental visit while on your travels? Ever had an awkward conversation with a lady of the night (come on- i know some of you have been to Bangkok!!)? Let me know in the comment section below….

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18 thoughts on “Travel Fail: My Honeymoon Hooker in Oz

      1. Oh we were just curious. We hear about it places like SE Asia but have never heard of that sort of encounter in Australia. Well if anything like that happened in the future, maybe also ask if the person is okay. Trafficking is really common all over the world. If she was small she could have been underaged.

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